where to go from here?

Dimple Cheeks Diapers · Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 11:04 am Post subject: where to go from here?

We lost our baby on Feb 14th at 11 weeks along. We were not trying for another baby at the time, but very excited to be pregnant! I was already planning another home birth, and had gotten into my favorite midwife already. I had an early ultrasound to see the tiny heart beating when I had started spotting and needed to see that everything was ok. A few very long weeks later we lost our little one. We still have not had a proper burial (we are planning on burying the baby in the garden in a beautiful little box I bought for our angel. I just can't bring myself to doing it and its been 4 months today. My husband is very happy with the 5 children we have, and its a busy house I agree.
My body has a hard time with pregnancy and has been harder with each one. My arthritis kicks in more, and my kidneys always have more problems. I ache to be pregnant again, but my body aches when I am pregnant. I long for another baby to hold and love, but I feel exhausted already even though I know that love grows. I started sports again and starting to feel my body coming together and feeling fit, but knowing that if I were to become pregnant again could my body handle it or would my body reject another baby. God has blessed us with 5 beautiful children and I am torn between being blessed again with another or feeling blessed with what I already have. I see my sister in law pregnant and due on the day I was due with my baby and I am so happy for her and my brother, but the longing hurts at the same time.

I feel like I am making excuses for not having another baby so I can cover up the feelings of wanting another baby.
Im not sure where to go from here.
_________________
Sharleen- Homeschooling WAHMommy married to my hero!
Isaac-7, Elishuah-6, Josias 5 and Alyssa 3, baby #5 gone to heaven, Asher 1.5, baby gone to heaven Feb 14th 2011.

happy2Bjustmommy · Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 11:36 am Post subject:

I am sorry you are struggling. I understand. I think that you can feel grateful for what you have while still missing what you dont have anymore. I want to slap people that tell me to just be grateful for the 4 kids i have. Like they think I am not grateful! When you lose a baby, at any stage, the loss is real. there is no such thing as "just a miscarriage".
I also think it is normal to want another baby, even when it is not ideal. THis has been a big struggle of mine over the years. I know it is not what is best for me and my emotions. but I ache to have another baby.
Only you and your husband can make this decision. I hope you can come to a decision and feel confident in whatever you choose.
many prayers and positive thoughts for you and your family.
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FriggasFancies · Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 1:11 pm Post subject:

I know exactly what you mean Hug

I lost my baby Mark back in July 2010. I immediately wanted another baby. I had empty arms. I too struggle with pregnancy, and my body does not seem to deal well with it. I have cholestasis of pregnancy, have had it with each pregnancy, and it gets worse and starts earlier with each one (pregnancy induced liver disorder). I too had a miscarriage back in January 2011 (at only 4.5 weeks) while ttc this little one I'm preggers with now. I had given up. It wasn't going to happen and I didn't want to feel the pain anymore. I told DH I was done trying. Then the next cycle we became pregnant Smile

I'm now 22 weeks pregnancy with my rainbow baby. I understand the feelings you have...you know you're blessed with a wonderful family, and that pregnancy is so hard on your body...but something is missing. I hope you find some peace within you to help you make your decision. Hug

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couchhound · Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 10:23 pm Post subject:

I couldn't read and not send you a Hug

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CrunchyClark · Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 11:55 pm Post subject:

Hugs mama! Perhaps if you don't think you can handle another pregnancy physically right now, adoption might be an option? So you're not completely closing the door to expanding your familiy, but giving your body a break.
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Dimple Cheeks Diapers · Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 1:10 am Post subject:

Thank you ladies. Its just been a bit of a sulky kinda day. Its nice to have a place to vent a little and know people care.

Lots to think about for sure.
_________________
Sharleen- Homeschooling WAHMommy married to my hero!
Isaac-7, Elishuah-6, Josias 5 and Alyssa 3, baby #5 gone to heaven, Asher 1.5, baby gone to heaven Feb 14th 2011.

crazyda79 · Brenda Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 18855 HC$ 45.29

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SGRAHA · Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 5:30 am Post subject:

i couldn't read and not leave a bug hug

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My Beautiful Girl · Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:44 am Post subject:

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toadallyscrumptious · Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 12:39 pm Post subject:

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MountianMama · Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 4:22 pm Post subject:

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malawyer · Posted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 9:50 pm Post subject:

I'm so sorry, after we had our 5th we really were preventing (naturally). I am very careful & the only Oops we had was when I was on BC to regulate my cycle, go figure. Anyway we got pregnant in Dec 2009 & miscarried in Jan 2010. I was so heartbroken that we decided that we surely wanted another child. Dec 2010 we had Dougie & I'm so happy we tried to get pregnant with him and had him. I hope you find the answers you are looking for Smile

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